Hajar Radwan:Working Mothers

Working Mothers By: Hajar Radwan Lebanese American University (LAU) ID:20120265 Today, many women are juggling between taking care of their children and working. Some fall behind on the work missing out conferences or arriving late to work while others fall behind on household chores or commitments. Katrina Alcorn the writer of “Maxed Out: American Moms on the Brink” was one of the women trying to find a balance between work and household chores. (Antonia, 2013) . Until one day she simply maxed out due to the emotional stress she was feeling. Many women have difficulty balancing work and taking care of their children especially when there is no special consideration in most countries regarding working mom with kids. Leaving many women confused whether they should go back to work after giving birth or simply stay at home. To some working takes crucial amount of hours from the mother that should be designated to basic needs of her children and husband. What they fail to see is how actually working enhances one’s marriage, self esteem and also motivates children in the future. Opposing the believe that a women’s job is merely taking care of her family, women should be encouraged to work because of the benefits it has on her family and on herself. To some employment of women after giving birth has a negative impact on a child’s development level and cognitive skills thus resulting in drawbacks at school. A study conducted by The National Institute of Child Health and Human Development Study of Early Child Care showed that children whose mothers did not work when they were 9 months old scored fifteenth percentile on Bracken School Readiness test while children whose mothers did work scored four fourth percentile (Lewin, 2002). Thus signifying that women who work don’t have sufficient amount of time to spend with their children playing educational games in comparison to stay at home mothers. As a result, these children have fall behind slightly in their school work. Moreover there are different factors that might affect a child’s development which are the level of satisfaction in the work and her working hours (Lewin, 2002). Thus women who work long hours may not have time to exercise a child’s cognitive games. A study was conducted that linked number of working hours to child’s school readiness revealed that children whose mothers worked more than 30 hours a day had a low score in school readiness test (Lewin, 2002). In addition, if the mother feels that she is not happy with her work she might take it out on her children in order to release some steam. Sometimes the mother might actually come back from work angry or sad due to long hours at work and she might yell at her children at times. That is perfectly normal since you all feel sometimes that we are about to burst due to the stress we are all humans at the end of the day. However, this should not happen all the time if it does then it’s a signal for the mother to find a new job or work for fewer amounts of hours. Moreover, there might be other factors affecting a child’s development that are not related to a women’s work for example a child’s health. For example, if a child has Autism then definitely his or her development is affected. Therefore, we cannot put the whole blame on the work women are doing there are other things that might affect a child’s development not related to mothers work. Mothers who work help their partners and more importantly their children in making sure that they can afford all the medical expenses, food, clothes and toys that a child needs. In addition, most working moms spend a significant amount of time with their children when they come back because they know how to manage their time thus not affecting a child’s development. A studied conducted at Colombia University found out that working mothers are happier and have better mental health resulting in a stronger relationship with their children (Blake, 2010). In addition they provide better household income thus all affecting a child’s development in positive manner (Blake, 2010). Thus working enables a child to grow and develop in a healthier manner. To some working mothers are more likely to get a divorce because they believe working moms are at higher risk in neglecting their husbands and children. That’s why most people are against women working since working enables women to spread their wings and thus threaten the husband’s position as main provider for the family. Most often divorce is a result of competition between couples. Jealousy can develop between married couples regarding who is more successful and who is making more money. However, couple who truly love one another will actually be happy for his or her partner‘s success and would want to show off in front of others to reveal how proud he or she is. With that being said, not all couples are envious towards one another and the true reason for divorce might have nothing to do with jealousy it might be infidelity or money issues. In our culture its okay for a man to earn more than a woman but if a woman earns more it is viewed as unacceptable and reflects a bad image on the husband. In this scenario the husband seeks for divorce because he believes that earning more money is a reflection of his manhood. What many men fail to see is that money comes and goes and that marriage is not based on who should earn more and who should earn less. For instance, maybe his wife has higher level of education as a result she earns more. Women have a right to have a high salary just like men and it’s completely unethical to think otherwise. Another reason that working women have higher rates of divorce is due to neglecting her family and household chores. Women are not machines sometimes they have difficult time doing two things at one and here comes the husband’s role in supporting and helping his wife with household. A study for the Gender Equality Network estimated that in a family where the husband worked and wife didn’t the divorce rate was 3.3% and when the wife worked it rose to 6.5% (Beckford,2010). On the other hand when men helped it chores it went down to 4.5% and if he looked after the children when the wife worked it dropped to 3.2% (Beckford, 2010). Therefore, working by itself doesn’t increase the likelihood for divorce on contrary stabilizes a marriage. Dr. Sigle-Rushton who published journal called “Feminist Economics” claimed that research is putting a great emphasis on a women’s work and not enough emphasis on division of household chores (Beckford, 2010). Therefore divorce is due to conflicts in understanding that marriage is a partnership and that each should take responsibilities equally. Working enables women to feel self-fulfilled and ignited with power and strength. Moreover it enables mothers to feel that they are contributing to society in a positive manner and thus promoting contentment and motivation. A recent study conducted by Adrianne Frech and Sarah Damaske found out that at age of 40 women who worked after birth of the first child showed better health and physical wellness then stay at home moms (Coontz , 2013). Therefore, at an older age, women who are engaged in the work field feel more at ease and they feel that they have accomplished their dreams. Another issue might rise is whether there is a difference in level of well being among women who work different number of hours. Starting 1991 Group of researchers in the University of North Carolina interviewed 1364 mothers for over 10 years the results showed that there is no difference in well being between women who worked full time or part time (Paxman, 2011). We can conclude that the degree of happiness and wellness is dependent on the level of satisfaction and passion a women feels towards her job. For example, my mom has indescribable love for shoes; she would spend the whole day in the store she owns and not complain once. Therefore, the number of hours spent doesn’t really matter when it comes to better well being. Moreover it showed that there was a noticeable difference in state of wellness among working and stay at home moms with working mother being happier (Paxman, 2011). Most women who stay at home feel like they are facing a locked door of self-fulfillment because they don’t make time to answer their own personal needs .Working enables women to be an active member of society enhancing the world’s perception of what women are capable of doing which is a source of motivation for the younger generation. Most of the successful and powerful figures today are women such as Oprah who has done an incredible job in helping the upcoming generation mainly women to seek a fine education. Sometimes women are being viewed as that they are incompetent or unable to reach the same height of success as man which completely contradicts what we are seeing today. Women have a right to feel joy, power, independence, and self-actualization equally as men. Some women are contempt with staying home and they believe they were born to be mothers and that it’s the most difficult and most rewarding job on earth. While in fact it is, taking care of one’s children is most demanding job and joy gained outweighs everything else. Stay at home mom do an remarkable job but there comes a point where the emotion kicks in and mother will feel at some point in her life that she is not taking care of her needs because she is simply too busy taking care of her children’s needs. A survey conducted by Working Women Magazine showed that “60 % of men and 70% of women believed that importance of self- achievement is as important as a child needs for the best care that can be provided (Working Mothers Effect on Children, 1983). There it is important for woman not to view working as a way of ignoring their kids , on the contrary not only does it benefit the mother but also provides a good income thus a child grows in a stable environment and with available resources .In addition , researchers at the University of Carolina who studied difference between stay at home mothers and working moms reported that part time moms where equally involved in child’s school as stay at home and even enhanced their children learning capabilities (Paxman, 2011). Thus a child level of education is not diminished due to working mothers on the other hand it is enhanced. Children look up to their parents as role model thus when they see their parents involved in work field and well accomplished it makes them strive to resemble them. For example, a child whose mother is successful surgeon will certainly teach the child the importance of working and in the future he or she will want to be as successful. Every kid looks up to their parents and when they see their mother working little girls will aspire to do the same. Working mothers are able to enroll a child in prestigious school and also are able to take care of a child’s health through regular checkups at the doctor since they don’t have financial worries. Working mothers have a more stable marriage then stay at home mothers. Working women have a more productive marriage which is based on mutual understanding of needs , desires and worries. In United States Statistic show that the divorce rate in 1970s where 23 divorce per 1000 it dropped to 17 divorces (Parker-pope, 2010). Thus showing that women who more financially independent and educated have a longer lasting marriage and lesser rate of divorce then stay at home moms (Parker-pope, 2010). In married couple where both a husband and a wife work they are more likely to have a stable and satisfying marriage since both know the importance of working and can incorporate that in their everyday lives. American couples from a middle range economic status where both parties work report the highest marital equality (Coontz, 2013). Working couple can divide tasks equally with one another and can make things a lot easier. One must point out that woman who work while their husbands stay at home in America report that their marriage is not what it is used to be and no longer a happy one( Coontz ,2013). Therefore, understanding one another and husband helping out the mother and vice versa is the key for a happy marriage. The issue here is not about the husband staying at home its rather about not helping the mother with household chores. At the end of the day, marriage is personal and emotional bond and sometimes it happens that a marriage fails regardless whether the woman is working or not. Some might say that working women get easily divorced which might be true. Since working women have many social interactions and thus are able to distinguish between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship. And thus they are unable to tolerate being treated in poor –manner by their husband and because of their financial independence they can take action easily. Whereby a stay at home women need to take many things into considerations including financial stability. Furthermore, working women chose their partner more wisely since they are not merely concerned with the husband’s financial status. What they look for is a man to respect them and who is able to take on a fair weight of responsibility. In conclusion, whether women should return to work after giving birth or whether she should stay at home remains a troubling issue to many women. Some oppose the idea of women going back to work after giving birth because they believe that she is neglecting her children and effecting negatively their growth and development. Moreover they claim that working mothers have a higher rate of divorce. On the contrary working doesn’t affect children negatively it actually enhances their learning capabilities and makes them ambitious. In addition, working builds up confidence, happiness and better financial income. The benefits of working actually outweigh the risks or disadvantages. Society today should show more support to working moms and not try to scrutinize them since they are doing a remarkable job in balancing work and children care. At the end of the day it’s all about what makes one feel content and accomplished, if working makes you feel that then go ahead and do it. And if staying at home actually makes you happy then stay without regretting the decision. References: Dell'antonia, K. j. (November 4 ,2013). Being a Working Mother Means Always Having to Say You're Sorry. Retrieved fromThe NewYork Times: http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/11/04/being-a-working-mother-means-always-having-to-say-youre-sorry/. Beckford, M. (May 14,2010). Divorce twice as likely when husbands neglect housework. Retrieved from The Telegraph: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/7719666/Divorce-twice-as-likely-when-husbands-neglect-housework.html Blake, H. (augest 01,2010). Working Mother Donot Harm Their Children. Retrieved from The telegraph:http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/children_shealth/7921052/Working-mothers-do-not-harm-their-children-study-finds.html : Coontz, S. (june 1,2010). The triumph of the working mothers. Retrieved from The Newyork Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2013/06/02/opinion/sunday/coontz-the-triumph-of-the-working-mother.html?_r=0. Lewin, T. ( july 17,2002). Study Links Working Mothers to Slower Learning. Retrieved from The NewYork Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2002/07/17/education/17CHIL Parker-pope, T. (January 22,2010). She Works.They're Happy. Retrieved from The NewYork Times: http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/24/fashion/24marriage.html?pagewanted=all Paxman, L. (december 13,2011). Working mothers are HAPPIER than stay -at-home-mums. Retrieved from The Dialy Mail: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2073532/Working-mothers-HAPPIER-stay-home-mums-study-reveals.html Working Mothers Effect on Children. ( july 28,1983). Retrieved from The NewYork Times: http://www.nytimes.com/1983/07/28/garden/working-mothers-effect-on-children.html